Once you've learned the ropes, you'll only need to have your baby books on the shelf for reference and to lend out, along with a knowing look, to all your pregnant friends. But for a first time parent, I think a baby book is essential reading.
What is a 'Baby Book'?
A Baby Book is a beginners' guide to babies. It takes over from your erstwhile bible, the Pregnancy Book. It will usually start by advising you what to pack for the baby when you go into hospital, how to latch your baby on in the delivery room, and what you should expect from the first few hazy weeks with a newborn.
Then it will introduce the idea of a routine, or schedule. These will vary from book to book. FYI - when you hear a friend say 'I'm Gina Ford-ing' what she means is 'I'm following the Gina Ford daily schedule." More on this later on.
The baby book will give you an overall idea of what the first year of parenting will look like. Think of it as an instruction manual for babies.
The stakes are high!
If you bought a new TV, you'd probably flick through the manual before deciding you'd work it out yourself. If you bought yourself a brand-spanking-new car, you'd open the manual long enough to find out what all the buttons do. But if I put you behind the wheel of a Boeing 747, you'd learn as much as you could about flying the thing before take-off. That's because the stakes are high.
In no endeavour could the stakes be as high as they are in raising children. It's life-or-death, it's make-or-break - and I don't just mean physically, but emotionally and psychologically too. If you want to raise a healthy, well-adjusted person, you'd better start thinking about it now. It's harder than it looks.
I have heard parents say "parenting will come naturally to me". I have never heard a doctor say "medicine will come naturally to me". If a doctor wants to succeed at his vocation, he will study it. How much more so a parent - who's potential for impact is so much greater?
How to choose your book
Which book is right for you depends very much on who you are and what your needs are. Do you need the security of an rigid framework or will you cope better with a more fluid system? Are you determined to breast-feed against all odds or are you planning to wait and see how it goes?
The book is a tool to help you manage your new life as a parent - so choose one that suits your lifestyle. There are tons of these on the market, but here my top choices:
Gina Ford - The Contented Little Baby
You'll either love this book or hate it. Either way its worth reading because there's a lot to be learned from Gina Ford. I found her schedule too rigid. But I've known parents and babies to thrive on the structure which she gives to an otherwise unstructured stage.
A word of warning: Gina Ford is often implemented by first-timers. It's very rare that you'll be able to maintain her level of rigidity once there's two kids or more to factor in. But once you've learnt her principles, they'll always be in your parenting toolbox.
Tracey Hogg's - The Baby Whisperer
This book is much more mellow (it's my favourite). She gives all the basic baby info that Gina Ford gives plus an amazing guide to what each different newborn cry means. This is invaluable when you're tearing your hair out looking for the volume switch on your baby. (Hint - there isn't one.)
There are two acronyms in The Baby Whisperer which do it for me.
The first is S.L.O.W - Stop, Listen, Observe and figure out What's up. This parenting tool is by now embedded in the way I (try to) do things. With newborns and with bigger kids, remembering to think before you leap always helps.
The second is her E.A.S.Y. routine - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. She explains it at length, but basically those are the four stages which you repeat over a three hour cycle for the first few months of you baby's life.
I like this routine because it anticipates the baby's needs, and because I always know where I'm up to without having to look at my watch. When all you want to do is find out what the baby wants, The Baby Whisperer is there to help.
Dr Spock
Sometimes the oldies are the goodies. Not so much with Dr Spock. Credit where it's due - Dr Spock introduced the world to the idea of educating parents about their babies.
What happened to all the children born before then? Who knows. But Dr Spock represents the recognition that parenting doesn't necessarily 'come naturally' and that society no longer supports new parents through extended family and community.
The bottom line is, he didn't tell me anything useful that I hadn't read everywhere else.
What to Expect in the First Year
is much more up-to-date than Dr Spock, and gives information rather than guidance. A brilliant reference book to have on the shelf.
The literature they give you in hospital
It's really good, especially the Bounty magazine. But remember to take everything with a pinch of salt. As NHS publishers, they have take a specific approach. But as findings on SIDS, breastfeeding, health and related issues change, so will the NHS guidance.
I know a mum who had her first child thirty years ago when the advice was to put babies to sleep on their backs. With her subsequent children, and new scientific evidence, she was told to put the babies to sleep on their fronts. By the time she had her youngest, twelve years after the first, the NHS line had returned to sleeping babies on their back. This woman, and her babies, were literally turned 360 degrees by NHS advice.
As a responsible parent, I try to follow NHS advice as much as I possibly can. But I also try to remember that my children are individuals, not statistics, and that their needs may differ from the norm.
To sum it all up
If you only read one Baby Book, read the free stuff in the hospital. If you're going to buy one, I like the Baby Whisperer the best. But really, if this is your first baby, you may as well get stuck in and read the lot - you'll never have the time again.
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